I am who I am

I wanted to write this article a long time ago but I did not find enough inspiration to do so. It's the beginning of the 2017 which people make so much of a fuss about. I guess, that also pressurizes others who take life as it goes, to do something bigger, to make it the “best year” of their life.

Out of jokes, 2016 has been the most unpredictable year of my life with so much ups and downs. The beginning of the year was so tough to the extent where I almost gave up living. I was under immense pressure trying to deal with unemployment, family issues and relationships (by this, I mean friendships), but then towards the end of 2016, I started to see the rainbow after the heavy rain. Everything sorted out itself and I ended the year in a high surrounded with much love from my parents and friends.

Well, the issue now I have is, the lack of change. I’ve gotten used to this mundane routine of mine, I’m finding it very difficult to change. But the biggest question is “DO I HAVE TO?”. I know who and what I want to be, even though it is not what others perceive as “life”. True enough, I have a lot of pending dreams that needs to become reality. My friends are getting married, giving birth, getting promoted and finding new horizons and here I am stuck in the middle of nowhere trying to prove to others that I am doing well both professionally and personally. I know I do not want to live life based on others' perception and I'm not the kind of person who follows trends, be it fashion or otherwise. But it makes me think twice about what I'm doing right now, whether it is the right thing or whether I am taking the easy way out.

Ok, so let’s analyze my situation further. I have this job which pays me well compared with others with less work pressure and less crappy people to do deal with. I am happy with it so far, after trying my luck in the typical corporate world, I wanted something easy. But now that all the other issues have sorted itself out, I’m thinking whether this is the best course of action to me. Am I justifying myself by hiding in a shell? Can I do better? Why don’t I want to do better? Why should I change? Do I need to change at all? The biggest concern I have is that, this career, this experience is not valid in my home country. So, unless I somehow pack my bags and go to a foreign country, this effort will not count. So, for that, I need to either get married or try my luck again with another avenue. Believe it or not, I’ve given my best in trying to migrate. Or else, the other most difficult solution is to, bite my tooth and nail and try my luck in looking for another job. This is the most difficult thing I will have to go through given my past experiences. 

I do believe in the saying “whatever is meant to happen, will happen”. But saying that, I will not give away my power of decision to God or whoever is above. I will try to seize an opportunity when something of the sort arises. In the meantime, the best I can do is to make the best out of what's been given to me now. To be happy now. To ignore or let go what others are doing. To be grateful for all the things I have. To mind my own business and to look after myself. To be healthy.